Bulate!
by Lady Kai
Summary: ongoing 3rd installment is up! Things get weirder and weirder...
1. Situation

Yo! 

This is dedicated to those who reviewed my first fic---Kenren19, Yaone-chan, luv-anime-4eva, particularly UltraM2000 & bluejay the first two who reviewed ^_^. I thank you. *bow bow* Soooo, here it is. Another by-product of my fickle imagination. 

Sorry Kenren19, if your reading this right now, I don't write yaoi or shounen ai. Gomen gomen. 

Disclaimer: I'm not claiming anything except the plot. I'd like to own Hakuryu though. But alas...*shakes head mournfully* Peace! 

Presenting... 

BULATE!!!!!!! 

  
  


~~~~~~~Situation...   
  
  
  


Drive on a narrow, twisting road on a snow-covered cliff. 

"Harahetaaa..." Pause. "Samuiii..." Pause. "Harahetaaa...Brrrr..." Another pause coupled with a little snuggle to Gojyo. "Harahetaaaaaaaa....! Samuiiiiiii!!!" 

"Shut up!!!!! You're making me feel colder!!!!", Gojyo bellowed out, shivers racketing his body."Brrrr...cold..." 

"Urusai!!!!!" Pause. Snore. Snore. Pause. "Aaaaaaaachoooooooo!" Sniff. Snore. 

A blessed moment of silence. 

"Kyuuuu..." Sniffle sniffle. 

Another blessed moment of silence, quickly broken by... 

"Hakkai, harahetaaaaaa...!!" 

Said person sighed and smiled slightly with practiced patience. "Haaay, yare yare..." 

~~~~~_~~~~~~ 

Drive through a particularly dense forest. 

"Pork buuun..." 

~~~~~_~~~~~~ 

Drive through a desert. 

"Ice cream..." 

~~~~~_~~~~~~ 

Stop at some nameless mountain. Camp for the night. 

Goku falls asleep after a light meal comprising of a plate of meatballs, two grilled fish, ten porkbuns, and a plate of harumaki. Oh and we musn't forget desert. Half a watermelon. 

The others soon follow after imbibing a little sake and smoking no less than half a pack of cigarettes. Excluding Hakkai and Hakuryu of course. (We all know they don't smoke.) 

There was silence for half the night with the occasional owl hooting and crickets well, er, making the sounds crickets make. 

And then... 

"Mmmmmm..." 

A seemingly inhuman sound breaks the peaceful scene of midnight. 

"Mmmmmmmmmmm..." 

There it goes again. 

Mumble mumble. A little gust of wind blew from a nose and a slightly open mouth. In and out. In. Out. Another mumble. Another murmur of something unintelligible. 

Inhale. 

"Yakisoba...", a certain someone exhaled out. "Mmmmm...Siumai..." Snore. "Fooooooood..." Inhale. "Harahetaaa..." 

"Uruse baka zaru..." Hic. Snort snort. 

A gentle snore. "Mmmmmmaaa...maaaa..." 

A hand grips a tessen tightly. "Urusai!!!" Hand tightens some more. "Stupid fools..." Said hand loosens and thrown over the eyes in a lazy, sleepy manner. "Hmph...Can't shut up even in sleep..." Snore loudly. 

A pair of luminous eyes blinked in the darkness, taken back by the murmured statement. O.o?!! _Look who's talkin'!_ The eyes close. The creature obviously going back to sleep. "Kyuuuu...", it blew out. 

Goku tosses and turns, his dreams filled with scrumptious, mouth-watering delicacies from various cuisines floating around a pastel, heavenly backgound on top of cute fluffy little white clouds. 

_Paella, steak, spaghetti..._ To name a few. 

His hand reached out to grab a delectable-looking fried chicken leg. When he got it, he grinned, opened his mouth wide and bit into it. 

The result was astounding. 

"Aaaaaaaarrrghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!", Gojyo shrieked like a pig being butchered as he bolted from his sleeping bag. And found Goku latched on to him, chewing thoughtfully and salivating a LOT on his right arm. 

"Aaaaaarrrghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!", he screamed yet again. This time the others also snapped awake. 

Hakkai shot up and blinked dazedly. He twisted his head quickly from left to right trying to find the screaming banshee. Unfortunately, in his confused state, his brain neglected to register that he was already squashing Hakuryu's throat with his foot and that the little dragon was choking to death. Hakuryu's eyes bulged out, and struggled to gather whatever strength he had left to quickly barbecue his master to crusty black bits. He succeeded and Hakkai was left coughing up black smoke and wondering what in the seven hells had just occured. 

Sanzo had automatically reached for his trusty gun and shot at his surroundings before he could even see what he was shooting at. He then lifted one eyelid open. However, he didn't find any mad, Sanzo-hunting demon. Only a mad, screaming redhead with what looked suspiciously like Goku clinging to him and in the process of chewing his arm off and a soot-blackened Hakkai. He blinked and then promptly went back to sleep after muttering his usual 'Damare'.   
  


~_+!)+~   
  


"I've had it!!!!!", Gojyo screeched out. "This was the third time this week!!!! If this continues, I will have stumps for my appendages!!!! I. Refuse. To travel. With. That...that...that MONSTER!!!!" He finished heatedly. "If we don't do something to fix this, I SWEAR, I WILL MURDER HIM IN HIS SLEEP!", Gojyo vowed seriously, already feverishly thinking of how to accomplish just that. 

They had pried Goku off Gojyo earlier and it took thirty minutes to convince him that there was no yakisoba, pork bun, or any kind of food with them and that Gojyo wasn't a delectable fried chicken. 

Hakkai just sighed and rubbed his forehead with the heel of his palm tiredly. Much as he wanted peace between his comrades, he couldn't deny the painful (literally) reality of Gojyo's predicament. 

If Gojyo wasn't the one being chewed alive, it was someone else. And he recalled all too painfully the experience of being Goku's dream meal. Hakkai slowly exhaled as he brought to mind the many times Goku has drooled on his hair, dreaming that it was some kind of noodles. Or the instances when his jaws were clamped on his arms...or his legs... Hakkai sighed again. _Yare, yare..._

"Warui, Gojyo." Goku grinned, flashing his fangs at him while holding out a hand carelessly in the classic peace-sign. 

He looks SOOOO innocent and kawaii. Like a baby angel flashing the peace-sign. A little apple-cheeked cherub. Equipped with a very sharp and dangerous set of little daggers. 

Gojyo opened his mouth to screech at Goku again but the sound of a revolver being loaded and cocked shut him up effectively and faster than one can yell 'Baka Zaru!'. 

Sanzo calmly fiddled with his gun as he waited for the chaos to die down. "Now, we talk." 

"Nani?!?! The hell are you talking about????? What do you think we've been doing the past half hour, YOU MISERABLE CORRUPTED FAKE MONK!!!! " 

"Maa maa, Gojyo." Hakkai said trying to placate the again purple-faced half youkai. _Sheesh...this is getting tiring. Is this my only line here? Along with 'yare yare' and...and...and...well...hmmm...I think that's it._ Hakkai sweatdropped. 

"Hey. Do you guys think that Goku's ah, problem could be medical?" He suddenly asked. 

"Huh?" Two voices, one childlike and one adult chorused out. The clicking of a gun being cocked and uncocked resounded in the background. "Hn." 

"Well?" Hakkai blinked expectantly. "What do you think?" 

"Explain." Sanzo ordered coldly. 

"Look at it this way." Hakkai began speculatively. "There can only be three reasons why Goku has an uncontrollable appetite. One, he's trying to make up for lost time, which is when he was locked up in that mountain prison before Sanzo rescued him. Two, he's well, really obsessed with food?" He grinned sheepishly. Before the others, not counting Goku, could grumble, he continued. "Or three, there's something really wrong with him, physically that is." 

"Uh huh..." 

"Hn." 

"What if his genes or DNA......." 

"---hormonal imbalances have disrupted an otherwise normal appetite!" Hakkai finished breathlessly. 

"Riiight..." Gojyo looked skeptical. "Mind explaining what you said, Professor Monocles, sir?" 

"Weeell... it means that--" 

"---the baka zaru might have been born with his present appetite." Sanzo cut in. "You brainless kappa." 

"Baldie Monk." Gojyo immediately retorted. 

"Now, now guys..." _Here we go again..._

Before a full-blown argument, fight, whatever was born, a voice broke in. "Anou, Sanzo..." 

Three heads turned to face the voice. "Anou ne...haraheta..." Goku said pitifully, rubbing his stomach. 

The others facefault.   
  


C(^@^)D   
  


Pls review / email me! I need to see if it's good (meaning some of you actually like it)! If not then...BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! IT'S YOUR LOSS!!!!!!! (jokin' ^_^) 

p.s the meaning of the title will be explained at the last chapter which will be posted up later on. 

p.p.s Even if this story is not exactly as nice as it's supposed to be...I'm still gonna continue it! I started this and I damn well better finish it! Right? 


	2. Observation & Analysis I

Many thanks to dragon-wing-master, black luna, and spider04! 

Disclaimer: I don't claim anything but the plot. 

~~~~~~~Observation & Analysis I   
  
  


_The next day..._

"Alright, open your mouth wide and say ah, Goku." A gentle voice said. 

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh..." 

"Good boy. Hmmm..." The doctor peered intently into his mouth. "Ok, you can close your mouth now." 

"Doctor, can I have a bowl of noodles?" 

"No, Goku. Not yet." 

"How about a lollipop?" He asked, spotting a few on the doctor's desk. 

The doctor was a kind soul. Young, good-looking in a gentle way like Hakkai, and patient, good with kids. So he can handle the occasional brat and comfort the most distraught kid, if faced with one. Goku is a nice boy, he decided, a little whiny, but that's to be expected. He looked at the kid fondly. 

(Hmmm... technically, Goku isn't a kid anymore. He IS more than 500 years old right? But hey, who cares? He certainly acts like one, most of the time.) 

"Later Goku, later. Now breathe deeply. Yes, that's it." 

Sanzo, Hakkai, and Gojyo patiently awaited his evaluation. Hakuryuu wasn't with them because he asked to have a day off to fly and be on his own for once. In short, to get away from them all and try to save his sanity. (Good thinking Hakuryuu! You're the only sensible one in the group!) 

"Nothing wrong there." The doctor said, taking the stethoscope off his ears. 

"How long is this gonna take?" Gojyo grumbled childishly. "I'm bored!" 

Hakkai smiled. "Look at it this way, Gojyo. It's better than being chewed alive at night, don't you think?" 

"Hmph. I still want to know how long it's going to take." Gojyo insisted. 

"Well, if you guys insist on running all the tests..." 

"We do." Sanzo replied. 

"Then it will take the whole day to take all the tests and get the results immediately." 

"Ch. A waste of time." 

"So we do continue?" 

"We do."   
  


~_+!)+~   
  


"There's nothing wrong with Goku based on the blood tests and x-rays, Hakkai-san." Doctor Azuka said, shifting and shuffling the papers he held which contained the results. 

"I see." Hakkai mused thoughtfully. 

"Ne ne, can I get the lollipop now?" Goku asked, tugging on Azuka-sensei's white lab coat. 

"Urusai baka zaru!" Sanzo hissed as he whipped out the tessen and smacked Goku's head hard. 

"Nani yo..." Goku complained loudly. "What's the matter with all of you? I'm hungry! I haven't eaten since last night! Everytime I ask for something to eat, you snap at me!" Sniff. 

"Don't worry Goku," Azuka sensai said soothingly, softly patting his back. "The tests are almost finished, then you can eat whatever you want." 

Upon hearing that, he perked up considerably. "Hounto? Wai! Ramen! Yakisoba! Wai!" Goku bounced happily. 

Sanzo, on the other hand, glared at the good doctor. His icy gaze conveying the message, _What did you do that for?_

Now his credit card is going to take a beating AGAIN. Not that he cared. It's not his after all. He just didn't want to see Goku stuffing himself again and listen to the bickerings that always seem to accompany their meals. Who gets the last dumpling? What happened to this? Who did that? _Why did you eat the last pork bun, Gojyo? That was mine! I saved that for last! _He mimicked whiningly in his head. And then..._I don't see your name on it you overgrown monkey! If I did, I wouldn't have touched something as filthy as that._ Gojyo will smirk and then Goku will fly into a rage and shout _Teme ero kappa!! Thief!!_ Then they'll beat each other silly until they heed Hakkai's soft cajoling voice telling them to stop or when HE smashes his beloved tessen on their heads or if he's really pissed, shoot a few rounds at them. 

The doctor scowled at Sanzo, obviously displeased with the way he was treating Goku. 

"Che. Baka." Sanzo muttered, finally tearing his gaze away from the doctor. 

"Oi Sensei, are we done?" came the casual, impatient voice of Gojyo. 

"Not yet, Gojyo-san," he answered. "There's still the ultrasound." 

"Isn't that used for pregnant women?" 

"Yes, but that's not its only purpose." 

"Oh ok." 

"Well now, shall we get started?" Azuka asked, rubbing his hands together and stretching his body a little. Then he walked out of the room to enter another down the hall. He looked over his shoulder and said to them, "Follow me please." He shifted his gaze to his patient. "Goku?" 

"Hai!", came his cheerful voice as he trotted after him.   
  


C(^@^)D   
  


was it good? bad? tell me! click the review button and say what you want to say! oh & if you're anonymous pls. leave your email addresses. thank you! *bow* 


	3. O&A II

Observation & Analysis II 

Disclaimer: I don't own nothin'. 

This one's a wee bit long.... 

------------------------- 

"Wai! It's cold!" Goku giggled out as he felt the cool gel being applied on his abdomen. 

Azuka then deftly switched the machine on and carried out the procedure. 

"Eh? Nani kore???", he exclaimed as he stared at image in the monitor. 

Gojyo looked up from reading, er rather, looking, no wait, drooling at the pictures of a smut magazine he scrounged out from somewhere and murmured a distracted, "What?" 

"That!" Azuka gestured wildly at the image. "There's something moving there!" 

That got everyone's attention and had them staring wide-eyed at the monitor. 

"Oi zaru! Did you neglect to tell us that you were a girl and that you got yourself pregnant in one of our stops in town?" Gojyo smirked out. "Or maybe, you forgot to, say, KILL whatever that is," he said pointing to the mysterious wiggling thing, "and maybe COOK it, and THEN eat it?" He continued jokingly. "Or maybe-" 

"Or maybe you'd like to shut your useless taboo mouth?" Sanzo cut him short gloweringly, aiming his revolver at his head. "If not, then I'd be happy to, say, blow your head off and send you to hell." 

Gojyo sweatdropped. down, pretty monk. I was just fooling around." 

"Well, I'm not in the mood!" 

"Will you tell me if you are?" Gojyo waggled his eyebrows teasingly, implying a little more than he should have. (Hehe...naughty naughty naughty....) 

"Why you-beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep half-youkai!!!!!!!!!!" Sanzo cursed furiously at Gojyo. 

"Gojyo!" Hakkai admonished, looking sideways at Sanzo who was still letting out a steady stream of death threats and curses. 

"And this is why I don't get bored, my dear Hakkai!" Gojyo grinned and slung an arm around Hakkai's shoulder. "You've got to try it sometime!" 

"Anou, sumimasen..." The doctor said, hoping to catch their attention. 

"Well YOU won't LIVE long enough to try it again!!!!!!" Sanzo roared, cocking his gun at Gojyo. 

"Gentlemen..." Azuka tried again. 

"Ahhhhhh! HAKKAI!!!! SAVE ME!!!!!" Gojyo ducked behind a paralyzed Hakkai. 

Hakkai paled as the gun was levered at his direction. "Eto, m-maa S-Sanzo...Uh, you don't want to kill me do you?" He stammered out hopefully. 

Sanzo blinked and considered his words. 

"It wouldn't be fair, would it? I'm innocent! I didn't do anything!" Hakkai went on, while slowly backing away from the pondering blond. 

"Hn! You deserve to die too. I saw you fighting a grin at what Gojyo said." 

"Erm, fellas...guys?" Azuka faltered when he saw Sanzo slowly pull the trigger. 

"Why are you so bloody sensitive anyway, blondie?!?! I was just teasing you!" 

"Gojyo!" Hakkai hissed under his breath. 

Silence. Veins popped on Sanzo's forehead in response. 

"Now, now, no fighting minna-san!" Azuka crowed out, popping into the scene with a fake smile pasted on his face. "Here! Have a lollipop! It'll give you something to do besides smoking, which by the way, is like a slow suicide." He clucked reprovingly as he unceremoniously stuck a big lollipop in each of the three adults' mouths. 

(Think: chibi Sanzo, Hakkai, Gojyo with big colorful swirly lollipops stuck in their mouths) 

Doctor sweatdropped as he looked at their faces. 

In Azuka's mind... 

_I knew I should have taken my day off! I knew it! But nooo, I had to be nice and kind enough to volunteer and switch shifts so my friend could go on a date with his girlfriend for the 4th time this week. sigh What did I ever do to deserve this....this...ugh...I can't even think of any word to describe them... _

And that kid..../a bigger sigh/...that noisy, whiny kid! Somehow, I feel that there's something I should know about him... 

(Let us remember, minna-san, that Goku is neither human nor youkai. He is a rock. Hmmm... a talking rock. /sweatdrop/ But Azuka doesn't know that. I mean, he was born from a rock right??) 

_They scare me half the time and make ME want to shoot THEM the next! They have a dangerous air about them but they act like little brats!!! Even the kids in the village are like angels compared to them!... _

...blah blah blah blah... 

...A BLOND MONK who smokes and threatens to kill at the slightest provocation. Whoever heard of such a thing? And the fact that they're so NOISY!!!!!! GRRRR.... I hope they leave soon before they turn ME into one of them. /shudder... / 

"Oi, Sanzo! Gojyo! Hakkai!" Goku called out with teary eyes. 

Everyone turns to Goku. 

"Can we go now??? I'm really really hungry! Listen..." 

/grrrooowwwl/ 

"See??!!" 

Sweatdrops on everybody's foreheads. 

"Ahem!" Azuka cleared his throat. "We need to identify that mysterious wiggling thing inside Goku's stomach." 

Surprisingly, they all nodded. 

"Therefore, I propose we use this!" He declared, holding up a tiny black object the size of a cigarette butt for them to see. 

"Uh...what exactly is...that thing?" 

"It's a miniature camera!" The doctor beamed happily. "We will let Goku here, swallow this and I will control its descent and motion by virtue of this," he held up a little joystick, "remote control. And then that monitor will show us in full color what the foreign lifeform could be!" 

"Oh..." Group nod. 

"Ne, Azuka-niisan?" 

"Yes, Goku?." 

"You said I have to swallow it. Does it taste good?" 

Gojyo, Sanzo and Hakkai facefaulted, while the doctor sweatdropped. _Yep, just like a kid alright._

"Does everything equate to food to you, kono baka zaru?!" Gojyo mumbled while crunching on his enormous lollipop. 

"HEY! HOW COME HE GETS A LOLLIPOP!!!! AZUKA-NIISAN!!!!!" Goku leapt from the bed to wrestle with Gojyo. 

"Now, now Goku," Azuka tried to restrain him by holding his arms tightly. "Remember, after this you can have whatever you want." 

Goku sniffed. "Promise?" 

Azuka nodded. _Yes already!_

"Now Goku, close your eyes and imagine that you're about to eat a plate of spaghetti and meatballs." 

The others stared silently as Goku did what the doctor said. _What's the doc doing?_

"Can you imagine it now?" 

"Uhuh! Mmmm..." Goku drooled. 

"Now open your mouth and eat a forkful." 

Chomp, chomp, chomp. 

"Excellent! Oh no! Wait! You're choking!" 

Goku, as if on cue, starts choking. (On what I wouldn't know. His own saliva maybe? Or air. /nods seriously/ He's choking on air.) 

The others stared, fascinated. 

"Quick! Drink this glass of water." Azuka quickly hands him a glass of water and Goku immediately guzzled it in two seconds flat. 

Goku inhales sharply and pants. The others still stare at him when an exuberant voice sliced through their baffled consciousness. 

"YEESSS!!!!" Azuka exclaimed as he pumped a fist up in the air victoriously. "I DID IT!!!!!!!" 

"Uh, did what, Doc?" Gojyo asked as he lifted an eyebrow questioningly. 

"Hn. Not at all impossible considering the size of the zaru's brain." Sanzo mumbled as he stared balefully at the doctor. 

"Did what???!" 

"I can't believe it." Hakkai whispered. "I mean it's just too much..." 

"WHAT????" 

"He tricked Goku into swallowing the tiny camera." 

"??????!!!!!" 

"Kyahahahahahhahaha!" Azuka laughed like a maniac. "I didn't expect it either! But---Bwaahahahahahahahahhahaha!!!!!!" 

Goku stared at him stupidly, er I mean cluelessly. 

Gojyo joined the laughter. "Ngiahhahahahahahahahaha! You mean--the-the spaghetti thing---it's...it's...MWAAHAHAHHAHA!!!!! It's actually to get Goku to swallow the thing?! Woohoohoohoohoo!!!! Wahahahhahaha!!! The baka zaru really is a baka!!!!" 

"What are you laughing at???" Goku glared at Gojyo, annoyed at being left out of the joke. 

"You-you-you..." Gojyo failed to complete his statement as another round of boistorous laughter bubbled from him. "Wahahahahahhahahahaha!!!! You're so stupid, stomach-brained monkey!!" 

Hakkai grinned slightly at the unexpected turn of events. As he caught sight of Goku's frustrated expression however, he wisely refrained from commenting. _But damn! That was so funny!!!_ He paused to replay the doctor's surprising little trick. Goku eats the imaginary spaghetti and then chokes. 'Concerned' doc hands him a glass of water and slips the camera in. Goku gulps the water along with the little camera. Hakkai stifled a snort._And to think Goku's still hasn't got a clue about it..._

"Hn. Now I wonder how the zaru actually defeated Homura." 

The doctor finally regained his composure and smoothened out his rumpled lab coat. The only evidence left of his very undoctor-like behavior was a twinkle in his eyes and the small smirk gracing his lips. 

Suddenly... 

"Minna! Look at this!!!" 

They quickly gathered around Hakkai who was staring at the monitor and fiddling with the joystick. All except Gojyo who was still laughing his head off. 

"May I?" Azuka asked politely, holding out his hand to Hakkai. 

"Oh, sumimasen doctor, I got curious and well--you know." Hakkai shrugged and lifted one corner of his lips in a sheepish smile. 

The doctor wordlessly waved his apology away and turned to maneuvering the little camera down Goku's digestive system. 

Little by little the camera carefully descended into the crimson depths of Goku's um, stomach. And little by little, the monitor showed its passage. 

"Wow, sure is dark down there, Doc." 

"It is isn't it? Then I guess we have to use this." Azuka pushed a tiny button on the side of the joystick. A bright light illuminated the screen of the monitor. "Oh sorry, have to adjust the settings a bit. Hmm... let's see..." 

The light dimmed enough to let them see where the tiny camera was going. 

"Ok guys, we're in the stomach." 

"Won't the camera be affected by the gastric juices in there?" Hakkai inquired. 

"Nope, we designed this camera specifically to enter the digestive system so we've taken that into consideration." 

"Ahhh..." 

"Well then, how come the screen is starting to sizzle?" Gojyo pointed at the slowly flickering screen. 

"WHAAAAT???!!" 

"Goku's not normal in case you haven't noticed. Everything about him is exagerrated. His fighting skills, his appetite, stupidity, and of course his gastric juices." Sanzo commented boredly. 

"But--but..." 

"Anou, Azuka-san, don't you think you better get out of the stomach before the camera melts?" Hakkai gently suggested. 

"Y-yes, of course." Azuka immediately did what Hakkai said. _This is impossible! How can the camera melt?! We--_

"Hey doc." 

Azuka cut his thought short. 

"With us, the normal 'impossibles' don't apply. So you better rearrange all your can's and can'ts." Gojyo advised, after seemingly reading his stupefied thoughts. 

The doctor nodded numbly. He was beginning to do just that. 

By then, the camera reached the intestines and bumped into the THING. 

"So what do we do now?" Hakkai wondered out loud. 

"Well, we can't really get a good view of the THING so we just have to get a sample and have it tested." 

Gojyo and Hakkai aaaaahhhed. Goku merely scratched his head in reply. He was still a little piqued about Gojyo's laughing fit and their refusal to let him in on the joke. 

"How?" Sanzo finally succumbed to his curiosity and asked. 

"By this, Sanzo-sama." Azuka replied and the camera proceeded to brandish a tiny scalpel and tweezer. 

"Whoa! Where'd that come from?" 

"It's built in." 

"Hmmm...fascinating..." 

"Hn." 

"Can you guys hurry up? I'm really really really hungry!" 

The doctor swiftly cut into the THING and dropped a small piece of it in a waiting compartment on top of the camera. 

"There we're done." 

"YYYEEEEEEE---" 

"Not yet Goku, we still have to get the camera out." 

"Oh." Goku stopped and sat down again. 

Sanzo snorted at his disappointed expression. _Baka zaru..._

"Ok Goku, this might tickle a bit, but whatever you do, don't try to clear your throat, cough or try to swallow. If what you guys are saying is true, I'm worried about the camera being crushed flat. 

"Hai!" 

"Here goes nothing." Azuka muttered as he shifted the position of the joystick. 

"Ah-" Goku began to work his throat to clear it. 

"Don't do it, Goku" 

"But--" 

"No." He paused. "Just wait a while longer. It'll be out in no time." 

Two seconds after he said that, Goku broke into a coughing fit and made pitiful retching sounds with his head down on the floor. 

Hakkai rushed to the aid of the gagging and seemingly choking (for real this time) Goku. "Goku!!! What happened?!?!? Are you alright??? What's wrong?!" Then he turned to the doctor. "Doctor!!!! What's wrong with him?!?! QUICK!! DO SOMETHING!" 

"Hakkai-san it's--" 

Before the doctor could say something, Goku wheezes for the last time, coughs, and then---WHAM!. An ebony projectile flew from his mouth and ricocheted off the walls of the hospital room. 

"Doc, what the--" 

"Gojyo! Get down!" 

"Huh?" Gojyo turned to face a black blur headed straight between his eyes. He instinctively ducked and narrowly missed it. "Whew! Thanks Hakkai, and here I thought---" 

"GOJYO-SAN!! BEHIND YOU!!" Azuka shouted in warning to our dear-soon-to-be-unconscious red-head. 

"Nani yo Do--" Splack! Gojyo collapsed like a downed fighter jet, swirly eyes and all with a crumpled little object beside his body. 

"Oh no! Gojyo-san! Gojyo-san! Daijoubu desu ka?! Gojyo-san!" The doctor demanded as he slapped Gojyo lightly. 

"Hey, pretty lady." A soft sultry voice said. 

He stopped checking for a concussion and stared. "??!!" 

"What do you say to ditching this place and have a drink in that restaurant down the street?" Gojyo murmured seductively. 

"H-h-h--!!?" Azuka suddenly couldn't breathe. "H-H-Hakkai-san! What's wrong with him?!" He whispered, wide-eyed. 

"Nothing's wrong with him." Goku chirped out helpfully. "He's always been a stupid, good-for-nothing ero kappa." He paused thoughtfully. "Although, this is the first time he's tried to ask a guy out." He absent-mindedly tapped on his chin. "Maybe he's tired of girls." 

Sigh. "I'm surrounded by idiots. It (pertaining to the black zooming thing from awhile ago) must have hit him too hard. Stupid weakling. Can't even dodge properly." Then, suprisingly, Sanzo rolled his eyes and said, "How he survived our previous battles only the gods will know." (--); 

"So, how 'bout it?" He winked suavely. 

The doctor and Hakkai sweatdropped. "Uh...so...what do you suggest we do, Hakkai-san?" 

"Uh...well...anou...I don't know..." Hakkai sweatdropped some more. 

/silence/ 

"Ah-HAHAHAAAA!" Azuka glanced slightly at his left (i.e to the direction of the door). "Well, um Hakkai-san, I've got to go get this tested, k? While you stay and ah, take care of this? Thanks! I knew I can count on you! Bye! Be back in a jiggy, I mean a jiffy!" With those last panicked words, the good doc zoomed out of the room and out of Gojyo's leering gaze. 

Silence once again filled the room as Hakkai gulped and solwly dragged his eyes back to the-now-winking-Gojyo. 

"Well?" Gojyo practically purred. 

Hakkai sighed and walked slowly to Gojyo. 

Sanzo's eyebrows shot up at the sight. _What is he doing?_

"Sorry Gojyo,but desperate turn of events call for drastic actions," Hakkai looked at him apologetically as he pulled a chair from behind him and matter-of-factly smashed it down the red-head's skull. 

Crack!!!! Gojyo fainted again before his brain could even register the pain. 

"Was that Gojyo's head?" 

"Nah. I think it was the chair. Look! The seat's smashed to pieces! That must have hurt!" Goku commented. 

Hakkai just sighed in silent apology and proceeded to check for blood. Having found nothing more alarming than a small bump on Gojyo's (incredibly hard) head, he sat down on the sofa on the other side of the room and pulled out a book to read. 

"Uh...Sanzo..." Goku called out. 

Sanzo tore his gaze away from the window and pinched the bridge of his nose before replying a disgruntled 'What' at his smaller companion. 

"Well...what do we do now?" came the innocent reply. 

In a voice that promised death to any who dared to contradict, he said, "We wait." Sanzo looked straight at Goku's wide eyes before laying the final commandment. "QUIETLY." 

And that was that. 

...Until 5 minutes later, when Gojyo woke up and started propositioning the floor. To which Hakkai smashed another chair on his head and rendered him unconscious... 

"Now THAT must have REALLY hurt." 

Sanzo fought the itch to either blow his teammates' brains out or his own. 

---------------------------- 

A/N: yeah see y'all till the next time I get the guts and imagination to update... :D p.s me points to self, sorry for any errors...but i tried my best to avoid them...some of them are probably intentional...or not... --;;


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